Can you keep a secret?

You'd be surprised to know that this came to me in a dream. On second thought, you shouldn't be surprised at all. I used to call you and replay my dreams to you until I could figure them out. This one I don't need your help for. Maybe you'll need mine, either way this dream is yours. I have often conjured up dreams so real that they felt as though they weren't mine. How can you be such an anxious and attentive audience member in your own subconcious? It's simple. Supression.

"I know I don't know you
But I want you so bad.
Everyone has a secret
Oh can they keep it?
Oh no they can't"
-A. Levine

There is no need to make mention of those things you are that I never want again. It is equally as pointless to speculate about that which I am which by now, I hope you have decided you are much better off without. None of those things maintain any presence in my mind. You see, I don't spend any significant amount of time reminding myself of why I left you. I don't gloat in the making of a good decision. I don't relive the "at-a-boy's" and "good job's" that I never gave myself.

What I did was allow deal breakers to improperly punctuate sentences with conclusion when at the very least they should have been allowed to remain as interrogatives, if not...(ellipses)

What I do is spend way too much time ignoring the places inside of me that were only yours.

What I did was wait just long enough to not be able to make any decision other than the one I made. And I know that it was purposeful.

Can you keep a secret? Okay. I woke up to realize that you may have been the best woman to love me. Do you understand that? That means that with all things considered, you may have been the woman who, in my lifetime, would have loved me most completely and properly. That isn't to say that you were the woman I should have been with, because we are not and will not be. What I am saying is that I may have matured to the age and experience where I can feel the whole that we were. I know what completion is in a relationship. And we were. Completion.

But here is the head scratcher: You will not ever love another the way you loved me. That is not arrogant, that is real. I felt your love more than anyone. More than you. I knew how hard you loved me, yes more than you knew. That is why I left. Because I knew I didn't deserve that love at that time. I knew I couldn't return that love at that time. And in looking back, I know that I was correct. To this day I know I was correct. But also on this day...

I know how well I could love you. Right now. I know I deserve that love right now. I know how that kind of shared love, experienced now, would change the world. But since that love is no more, since that love lies covered in a place where only fondness of memories can kiss the lips of recollection, I wish you the closest love we had with whomever loves you with truth. Because I did. I still do.